My wife and I are both 26 and we've been married for over a year now. 7 months into our relationship, I found out that my spouse had an affair in the first 4-5 months of our marriage.
I found this out by a text I saw on her phone and it completely destroyed me. She has apologised and keeps begging me to stay, I love her, so I accepted on the promise that we will go for couple counselling. It's been 6 months since I found out and we still haven't gone for one.
To make matters worse, she's pregnant for this person and is now asking me to carry her child that she wants to move on. To be honest, I am still having trust issues and anxiety. She also wants me to forget about the affair even though she has not talked about it.
Truly, she's been trying hard to show her affection, she has been buying me gifts and complimenting me, but I still can't get over the fact that she cheated and wants me to carry her baby.
When I express my displeasure, she gets really upset with me and starts to complain that we're not on the same page and I don't love her as much as she loves me. I end up agreeing and just go with the flow.
I've asked for couple's counselling for a total of six times now and she's still adamant about it, telling me that a therapist won't see all the sweet things she does for me at home.
I love her so much and can't bear the thought of giving up our marriage, but I feel like I am being a little manipulated and taken advantage of. What do you advise?
Keep me Anon
Dear Anon,
You must be in a lot of pains right now especially because she is someone you love so much. However, you may need to ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you think counselling can save your marriage?
- Would it make it easier to let go after counselling?
If the answer is yes, then you should insist on counselling, as you cannot get over this issue without it. If your wife is unwilling to work out your marriage through counselling, you can ask for the other alternatives.
If she wants you to just accept her terms, then you're correct about being manipulated. It also poses that she is toxic, uninterested in your feelings and quite unenthusiastic about moving forward.
On the other end, it's likely that she's afraid to lose you, but it may inevitably happen if you both don't try to work it out together.
You will definitely need a professional third-party to help sort out things.
Wishing you all the best,
Sugar
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