Dear Sugar,
Pardon me, but this story may be a little long. My husband and I got married early in 2019. I am from Enugu state while my husband is from Ogun state. We love ourselves very much, but before and even after our wedding, we have been facing a lot of issues from his family and now, more recently, mine.
We are both the firstborns of our family and in a way, they are very involved in our personal lives. My husband's family had always hated that he married an Igbo woman and they don't hide how they feel. He had to do a lot of fighting and insisting before everyone realised that he was serious. Even on our wedding day, there were some issues that cropped up that we had to quickly settle.
Our biggest issue started when his mum moved in with us to care for our firstborn. My husband was of the opinion that it will help her lift her spirits (she has been depressed since her husband died just a few months after our wedding and moved in February this year) But it has been hell ever since. She complains about how I make my meals and how I run the house. As much as I have tried to please her, she just always has a lot of things to say. I have spoken to my husband about it countless times and he insists that I should be patient.
The last straw was when she started complaining about the fact that I was back at work. Sometimes, I'll be back from work and she would have locked the door from inside so that I cannot enter. I'll have to call my husband to talk to her before she responds. I'm seriously confused as to what to do because I am starting to feel very stressed and angry with my husband. I would never believe this would happen to me because I only see this in movies.
I didn't want to tell my mum about it, but recently I did and she decided to move in as well. She told me earlier that it was just going to be for a few days but it's been over a month of headaches and shouting from both parents. I seriously don't know what to do.
N.A
Dear N.A,
It must be really hard to have to deal with all of these issues, especially since you're still a new family and a new mother. As much as both parents wish the best for the both of you, it's obvious that both their stays are reflecting a lot more toxicity than you and your husband envisaged.
In this regard, you and your husband should have a proper talk about moving forward in your marriage. For starters, you both need some time alone to set marriage rules and culture together. You should both decide on how to handle your mother-in-law's depression by getting someone who can be in the house with her, taking her to rehab and getting her involved in certain activities.
You should also make plans to finding a neutral but trusted person that can care for your baby if you're both not always available. While this may be a tough decision to make, you would have to plan out who can handle this. If you are convinced that your mother isn't as overwhelming, you may get her on board after some period of alone time with your family.
Wishing you all the best,
Love,
Sugar
Image Inspiration: Pinterest - Nicholle Kobi